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Tueday Tidings 24/8/99 (Dionne)
As others have posted this week, a top episode. Even the latest
tedious Kelly saga was bearable as the writers got back to using
humour and the interesting characters to drive the episode.
The episode opens with Emily telling her dad that there will be plenty
of food in, but she won't be able to prepare it for him as she'll be
at work. John expresses his displeasure at her involvement in village
life, but Emily tells him that Viv has asked her to do some
stocktaking, and she'll be home at 6pm. She tells him to ring Viv if
he doesn't believe her.
Meantime, at the Windsors, Scott is attempting to lose his rag at the
disappearance of his car. Viv washes her hands of the whole business,
and tells Scott he's on his own. Scott storms out looking for Kelly,
conveniently forgetting that he's supposed to be playing in the
At the local field (hardly Ripley here), it's time for the 5th Test
between New Zealand and England. Nasser Hussain...sorry, Our Gavin
loses the toss and the Malt Shovel bat first. Seth and Ernie
Shuttleworth argue about how their team is better than the other, and
they decide that drinks are on the losing team.
The match gets under way, and soon Marlon appears to take a wicket.
The Malt Shovel query the call, but Seth rules it a wicket. However,
Emily displays an amazing knowledge of the MCC rules and states that
it was a no ball. Butch is embarrassed, while his team mates glower in
The match continues - Paddy, who displays an ineptitude for cricket
probably matched by the current squad, manages to help to run a
batsman out. However, up pops Emily with another MCC rule, and she is
voted in as umpire as Seth is pissed and asleep.
Away from the cricket, Kelly turns up in her usual gear of
tight-top-and-belt and tells Roy that she's hidden the car in a very
secluded spot. Before that, Scott turns up at the match to lay into
Roy. Cue a sudden rush of testosterone as practically every male
character tries to have a pop at Balsa Boy. It's left to Terry (in his
longest speech in ages) to state what everyone else thinks - he's
scum, he's a grave robber, he's a bully, he's a Grange Hill reject
(OK, he didn't say that last bit, but you get my drift).
Meantime, Bernice is enjoying the day despite her complete lack of
knowledge, and Ashley relishes the chance to get to know her better.
Sadly, Bernice is too busy admiring Gavin's googlies to appreciate
Ashley's finer points - while Gavin is exciting and virile, Ashley is
sweet and pure. Unlike his thoughts - eh Vicar?
Back to the match. The Woolie are in bat, and not doing very well.
With the final ball of the match, Zak appears to be out as an lbw.
Emily saves the day by saying that it was in fact a foul, and awards
the Woolie 6 runs. Cue mass celebrations and drinking sessions.
Apres the match
Mr Wylie is still unconvinced that Emily is working, so he rings the
shop. No answer. Conveniently, next to the phone is a flyer for the
cricket match. Mr W puts two and two together and loads his gun.
Kelly shows Roy where the car is - deep in the woods. She persuades
Roy to have a seat, and a whole lot more, inside the car....
Dopey shows unusual foresight by turning down Scott at the cricket
match. Not only that, she tells Ashley that she *is* a stupid slapper
while stating that she actually knows a secret about another
character. Ashley is too busy pondering on whether she is talking
about Bernice to hear the cries of RATUE peeps agreeing with Dopey.
Emily returns home later than planned, but Mr Wylie confronts them
with a gun. In true Viz fashion, he tells Butch to get orf his land.
Butch tackes Mr Wylie, disarming him. He then asks Emily to leave home
and come with him, while Mr Wylie tells her to stay for her own good.
The episode ends with Emily looking from one to another, unable to
decide who to choose.
No Wednesday Episode this week.
Thusday Throgmorton 26/8/99 (Andy)
Its the episode after the great cricket match, seemingly acknowledged by
most RATUE'rs as one of the best shows in ages. Such a shame I missed it
then, specially as I wanted to check out the authenticity of the cricket
scenes. Oh well.....
BUTCH, EMILY and JOHN
Opening scene shows John, Butch and Emily - Emily has to decide whether to
stay with John or go with Butch. She chooses to go with Butch and as they
depart the lane John can be heard shouting after her that he has washed his
hands of her.
Later in the show Butch and Emily are seen outside the Wooly. She informs
him that she cannot face a big crowd and wants to go somewhere quiet. After
brief consideration Butch comes up with *just* the place..... Home Farm.
The final scenes in the show see them sat outside Home Farm late at night
and Emily has fallen asleep. He wakes her up and tells her its time for
bed. She asks where she would sleep. Butch replies "wherever you want".
She then asks "where will you sleep?". Butch, now streets ahead in the
"Britain's most romantic man" stakes replies softly, "wherever you want".
Centre of events for once. Early in the show both sets of players from The
Wooly and the Malt Shovel are indulging in post match drinks, paid for by
the losing side, The Malt Shovel. Ye Olde Englishe Customme of the Yard of
Ale takes place with a record being set of 12 seconds, which Jack then tries
to beat. It takes him 16 seconds, but he only gets about 2 feet. The front
of his shirt gets the other 12 inches.
Maggie is in the pub with Brookie Pete, who obviously got drummed out of
said programme for being far too sensible. In a corner, Zoe and Chris are
having a drink. Chris looks at all the yard of ale drinking with disdain
and in the end decides to go home when Zoe begins to cheer on the drinking.
He leaves, commenting to Zoe "I don't know whats got into you, you'll be
pigeon fancying next."
Pete and Maggie are discussing the situation between Zoe and Frankie and he
makes the mistake of mentioning the Southampton trip, which Maggie knew
nothing about. Fuelled by dutch courage, ScaryLes storms over to PoshTate
and demands to know if its true she went with Frankie to Southampton. Zoe
says it is and Scary replies with a tirade of abuse and starts to grapple
with her. Some of the menfolk pull Maggie away and Bernice demands she
leaves and then bars her. Pete escorts her out of the pub.
Outside Maggie is getting more and more worked up, then Zoe goes outside and
informs her that nothing went on and if she ever laid her finger on her
again there would be trouble. Maggie asks if thats a threat and Zoe says
yes it is.
Back in the pub Ashley is falling deeper and deeper in love with Bernice.
This devotion is sealed when, during a conversation about a past love of
Ashley's she announces that she thinks she would make a very good vicars
wife because there would be so much to organise. So Bernice, whats it to
be, Gavin or da Mad Vikka? Hardly much of a choice.
After the scuffle Ashley buys Zoe a drink. Zoe asks him if he's ever loved
someone who didn't love him back. He says yes. Zoe says "its her isn't
it?" (meaning Bernice). Ashley replies that it is.....
Having downed most of a yard of ale Jack is worse for wear. He wants to
have another drink with Pete, but Pete is a man who knows when he has had
enough, and decides to go home. Jack accepts that this might be a good idea
after all, and the next scene is of them arriving back at Chez Sugden, Jack
being a tad unsteady on his feet. Andy and Robert are home, and Andy is
pleased to see Jack, wanting to show him the postcards from the trip abroad.
Robert is, however, playing the surly adolescent and pays his father little
attention. Sarah, clean forgetting that only a few short days ago she was
paraletic herself is disgusted with the state Jack is in and storms off to
bed. Jack decides to go for a walk to clear his head, leaving SensiblePete
to step into the breach and feign interest at Andy's sackload of
As a side-plot, Viv is seen trying her best to seduce Richie, who
surprisingly enough seems to be going along with it.
Early scene shows Kelly and Roy having just done the evil deed in the car.
Kelly can't find her earring and Roy, in a post-coital haze is not much help
in the search. They leave without it, and Kelly throws the keys away from
the car, which of course is in the wood.
Later she informs Scott what has happened and says the only way she will
tell him where the car is is if he apologises to Roy. He does,
unconvincingly. She demands that he repeats the apology, this time with a
little feeling. He repeats the apology and she tells him where the car is
but informs him the keys were thrown she knows not where. She also informs
him with considerable glee that she and Roy indulged in some horizontal
jogging (twice) in the car before leaving it. Scott looks disgusted. He
later finds the car but not the keys. At one point he thinks he has found
them but the ring is actually Kelly's earring.
Further into the show he is talking to Donna and asks her for her trust
money which of course, he will pay back with interest. She tells him to
get lost. Final scene involving the Windsors sees Donna at home watching TV
when Viv brings back Richie, Viv obviously planning on taking the
celebrations late into the night. Richie, on seeing Donna, goes cold on the
idea. After he has left Viv informs Donna that he is a "very nice boy".
Donna has other things on her mind and asks Viv if Kelly really was upset to
lose the deposit money. Viv says she was gutted and wants to know why
Donna is suddenly interested. Of course, us RATUE'rs know why, but in the
interests of the plot Donna's intentions remain a mystery......