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Dionne"s Weekly Ditherings 23/25 March 1999

A really entertaining set of episodes this week. My main thought is that
the acting across the board has seriously improved. Even Dopey is
getting bearable...

Right, I'll start with the Vets Ball, as it was the cornerstone of
Tuesday's episode. Paddy, accompanied by Bernice but really missing
Mandy, attends, as does Dopey with new vet Dan the Man. Dan wastes no
time in slagging off Paddy & Zoe to all and sundry, and after scoring a
few new contacts attempts to score with Dopey. Wandering hands syndrome
are the order of the day as Dan informs Tricia that she will have a
memorable night with him. Dopey actually shows some taste (for once) and
runs away rapidly.

Dan the man: I'm a love machine, baby!
Me: Dream on, you Hugh Grant-type nobody.

Meantime, Paddy is miserable without Mandy and is boring Bernice to
tears about  vet-related issues. Fate takes a hand when Zoe, urged by
Chris, decides to go to the ball to win back customers and invites Mandy
as her guest so that she can get back with StudPaddy.

It's a real Cinders tale - Mandy, scrubbing away in the cellar, is
rescued by Zoe the Fairy Godmother (in a lovely cream ballgown). Back at
Pollard's, Mandy can't find a thing to wear, when Zoe finds a lovely
maroon gown conveniently next to a pumpkin. And so on. Anyway, at the
ball while Zoe charms her clients back to the fold, Mandy spots Paddy
while Close to You is playing.

Roger, an old friend of Paddy's, is busy slagging Mandy off for being
overweight, causing Mandy to run out in tears. Paddy turns on him and
Bernice, informing them that Mandy is perfect and he loves her (on the
jukebox at this point: Back for Good).

The evening is over - Bernice is bored and ready to leave, Tricia has
escaped from Dan Dan the Octopus Man, Zoe manages to retrieve some
clients and  Paddy happens to find Mandy's earring. At the end, he goes
up to see her; they fall into each other's arms and he proposes to her.
Of course, she says yes.

I have to sat this: this storyline sounded far too soppy for my cynical
tastes, but it actually worked as Dominic & Lisa's acting was superb.
Kudos to them.

The aftermath

The pair are happy and begin to tell others - well, Zoe & Kelly anyway.
Mandy tries to tell the rest of the family, but at the mere mention of
Paddy Zak gets angry.

Mandy turns to Lisa for help. Lisa advises her to live her life, and
tells her to speak to Butch first about a divorce *without* telling him
why. Ashley tells her that she can go for an annulment because they
hadn't slept together, so Mandy runs the idea by Butch. He's all for it
at first, but because she's eager for it to go through he twigs (for
once) that Paddy is involved. Of course, he changes his mind and tells
her that he will never agree to anything so that she can return to

Marlon & Lyn

The other main storyline in Episode 2500 was when Marlon learns that Lyn
had a one night stand with Scott early in their relationship. Scott
turns up uninvited to Marlon's 25th, and tries to make trouble because
Kelly's with Roy and he's on his tod. He goads Lyn about their night
together, causing Marlon to storm over to try to throw him out. Scott,
stung by jealousy, tells Marlon the truth.

Marlon is devastated and initially reacts by thumping Scott.

Marlon: THUMP!
The whole of Britain: Hooray!

While Scott suffers nothing further than a bruised ego and the loss of
some splinters, Marlon can't forgive Lyn, despite her pleas.

Well, as I've mentioned Balsa Boy, I may as well move on to Roy & Miss

Kelly goes after Scott after his thumping, and tells him that he brought
it on himself. He tells her that he loves her, and that he's never felt
like that before. After a major snog, Kelly runs to tell Roy that she
will marry him after all - he's surprised but happy, while their mates
are just surprised.

Roy & Kelly tell the Windsors about the engagement, prompting a remark
from Donna that shows she's wise beyond her years.

Roy: We're engaged!
Viv: Marvellous!
Donna: When's the baby due?

Viv is happy as she sees it as an opportunity for the family to be happy
again, so she offers to pay for the wedding as a tribute to Vic for his
princess. Donna isn't impressed (she sees Roy as a weed - I wonder why)
and Scott...well, you can imagine his reaction. He feels that Kelly is
the girl for him, and she feels the same way, but guilt is forcing her
up the aisle with Roy.

The date is set for the end of May. Whether it will take place or not is
another matter....

Chris -v- McGann

The battle of the haulage businesses hots up, starting on Tuesday when
Laura disturbs a burglar at the portakabin. It's obvious it McGann under
the non-balaclava, but Laura tells the cops that she can't be sure.
McGann pays them a visit to tell them that he had nothing to do with the
break-in. If you believe that, you'll also believe that he's a good

Talking of singers, Chris decides to employ Terry as a Security guard. I
guess he'll play all those lost Woolpackers records to scare people

Chris decides to take revenge and wheels into McGann's office, and he's
calmly going through the files when the man himself strides up. A female
cop arrives and Chris demands to be arrested so that the cops take him
more seriously (yeah, like you do). He's let off with a caution, as it
turns out that McGann has 24 hour police protection as Lady Cop is in
fact his wife. The plot thickens....

In brief:

Kathy - goes out on a date with Pete the truckie & Brookie reject, and
she's as smitten with him as he is with her. Will this stir Biff into
action? Probably. (I bet Charlie, wherever she is, is cringing at that

Graham & Rachel - the writers have finally decided to make Graham a
psycho as he tells Rachel that he's going away for Easter. Nothing
suspicious about that, until he tells her that he will leave a contact
number, and if she goes out on Saturday night she has to tell him where
she's going and who she's with. Rachel is concerned at this, but Kathy
tells her that she's lucky that he cares so much about her. Me, I'd say
follow your instincts and get out now, except that's real life and
Emmerdale ain't it.