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Thanks Sarah and Dionne for what is below.
5 Episode Week
Monday 11-15 Oct.199
Laura and Alan inform Zoe that £2000 worth of antiques have
disappeared. She suspects Butch but Alan says he'll investigate.
He thinks Eric is responsible and almost catches Pollard buying back
one of the pieces when he goes to question him. Eric tries to point
the finger at Butch, but Alan's having none of it and says he's going
to the police.
Eric gets the antique back off his dodgy associate and then goes and
plants it at the Dingles (in the pig pen!). When Angie comes to see
him (after Alan has called her) Eric plays the innocent and suggests
Butch as a suspect because he had a set of keys, was just sacked and is
a Dingle. Angie takes this suggestion on board and gets a search
warrant for the Dingles.
Sean and Pete are caught red handed when the police roar into the yard
as they are opening the truck full of dodgy clothes. Zoe makes sure
she is there to see him arrested and Sean says she'll regret shopping
When they get down the police station the questioning quickly gets onto
the subject of Chris. Sean's joke about them thinking he's bumped
Chris off goes down like a lead balloon as he realises they seriously
think he has something to do with it.
As with all Emmy weddings, the planning seems to have been left to a
couple of weeks before the event. Paddy tells Mandy, Bernice and Kelly
that the honeymoon is in Scarborough. They look rather stunned, but
pretend to be happy with the idea. He later admits to Marlon that he
was winding them up and that it's really in Venice.
Bernice and Kelly are coming closer to blows over who gets to plan the
wedding (it's a titanic clash between The Hair and The Pout). Bernice
gets one over on Kelly by coming up with better suggestions for flowers
and a hen night. In desperation Kelly offers to make the cake, though
Bernice secretly asks Marlon to make a spare just in case.
Marlon and Lynn
Lynn is still upset about Marlon's lack of attention now he has his new
chef's job. Scott in his new caring-sharing mode tries to offer advice
but Marlon tells him where to go. Later they make it up of their own
Still chained up in the cellar and getting more and more worn down,
Chris pleads with the unmasked Liam to tell him why he kidnapped him.
Liam won't tell him the reason behind it and just acts menacingly.
When Liam bumps into Zoe at Tate Haulage he doesn't seem the least bit
guilty or fazed even though Chris' name is mentioned.
Later that evening Liam tells Chris that everyone thinks he's dead and
hints that he might soon be.
Not much to report for this episode, as it deals with the aftermath of
Sean's arrest. As DI Spalding only has 24 hours in which to question
him without charging him, he's busy trying to browbeat Sean into a
confession. He suggests that Sean was upset that he had to go into
partnership with Chris, and has looked for a way to do him in ever
Meantime, Angie the Supercop is busy trying to find out exactly what's
going on, but Spalding won't tell her. She has a word with an old
training partner, who tells her that Sean is being held for more than
just dealing in contraband gear. Desperate, Angie goes to the Woolie
to see Pete, who tells her that he didn't grass Sean up. Just as
Supercop is getting hard, Zoe steps in and tells her that she was the
one who grassed on Sean. Angie rants on about how this could harm her
career and her kids' lives. Zoe responds by saying that Sean was
earning quite a bit from the operation, none of which was going
through Tate Haulage's accounts.
Angie goes home and turns out Sean's wardraobe. As we'd expect, there
isn't a lot of clothes in there, but she does find the money in one of
his shoes. She pops back to the station to take Sean home and tells
Spaulding that she's put the money in the night safe (after Spalding
tells her he may be charged with fraud). Realising that she's possibly
risking her career, Spalding lets him go.
At home, Angie lays into Sean for the events, and tells him that if he
does it again, their marriage is over.
-- it's Mandy & Paddy's respective dos. Mandy leaves hers early, but
not without a mini-barney with Pollard in the Woolpack. Meantime,
Paddy's is marred by a visit from the cops, who have a warrant to
search the premises.
Ollie has tipped off the Dingles earlier about the warrant, leaving
Butch worried that he'll be framed for the missing antiques. Mandy
catches him talking to Emily the pig about this, and they soon
discover the god-awful figurine that Pollard has hidden in the hay.
Mandy storms round to Pollard's, telling him that he won't ruin their
wedding day through this. She's on the verge of punching him when he
reminds her that more assault would mean a longer jail term. Doesn't
stop her punching him when he calls her a "violent, thieving and
inbred oik" and that Paddy is mad for marrying her. She trots off
satisfied; he's practically calling the cops as she's leaving.
-- Finally, I can't go without telling you about Kelly's attempt to
make the wedding cake. Conclusive proof that women *should* stay out
of the kitchen.
The day doesnt start well with Mandy having a case of wedding morning
jitters over whether shes good enough for Paddy. Lisa reassures her
that everyone loves her because of her lively personality and its
whats inside that counts. This cheers her up and over breakfast she
gives the others a preview of her dress which is actually quite normal
and pretty by Mandys standards (though it does seen a little tight!).
After breakfast the Comedy Policewoman from the night before comes
round again looking for Mandy to talk to her about punching Eric. Lisa
and Zak pretend they havent seen her. The police visit is the cue for
lots of dashing about as the Dingles try to avoid the police and get
the happy couple married early.
Zak goes round to get Paddy and then Lisa persuades Ashley to bring the
service forward by explaining Mandys actions (Lisa: "Have you never
once thought about hitting Eric Pollard?" Ashley:"Ill get my coat").
Meanwhile the police are still hanging round at the Dingles when
suddenly they see "Mandy" making a run for it over the fields. The
Comedy Policewoman gives chase but when she catches up she finds
that "Mandy" is actually Butch in drag. She sympathises with Butchs
transvestite tendencies and offers to give him some counselling.
With the police distracted everyone else is gathering at the church.
When he finds out that Betty has blabbed about the early ceremony to
Eric, Zak attempts to speed things up by rushing up the aisle with
Mandy and trying to say some of Ashleys words for him.
Unfortunately just as theyre exchanging rings (one supplied by Sarah
as makeshift best man Marlon didnt have one), the Comedy Policewoman
turns up with Pollard in tow to arrest Mandy.
Down in the cellar Liam taunts Chris about how hes getting close to
Zoe and gloats about his power over Chris. Chris becomes agitated and
warns him to stay away from her and also makes a hollow threat about
making Liam pay when hes freed.
Zoe, meanwhile, gets a ransom note in the post. Obviously shes upset
and doesnt know whether to go to the police, contemplating paying the
money instead. The nanny persuades her to call the police and they
suggest that Zoe goes along with the kidnapper so they can try and trap
Things arent much fun for Sean at the moment, its rather frosty at
home with Angie and he has another run in with Zoe at Tate Haulage.
Laura has deduced that Eric was responsible for the disappearing
antiques and gives Angie the evidence.
Having left on Wednesday with Mandy about to be arrested, we see WPC
Clare-the-nice-cop about to read the rights, when Supercop Angie walks
in. She tells Pollard that she knows about the stolen antiques, and
advises him to drop the charges. Hurrah!! The wedding goes ahead.
Zak is indebted to Angie for stepping in, and invites her to the
reception afterwards. In the village hall, there's the recycled
storylines we all know and love - Bernice behaves like an extra from
Abigail's party. Ollie gets pissed. Marlon finds more joy in food than
in Lynn. Scott moves towards Lyn and is punched out by Marlon. Lyn
dumps Marlon. Graham (groan) promises Betty he'll look after Kathy.
Kelly & Tricia show their usual combination of untold cleavage and
limited acting ability. Roy proves what a shite DJ he is. Ollie is
about to throw up, causing Angie to take her home. Been there, seen
However, this is a Dingle do, meaning even more farce is round the
corner. In walks Ezra, supposedly dead (or so Angie thought). While
those Dingle-Reynolds peace talks break down, Ezra succeeds in winding
up Zak to the point where we bow to the inevitable fight. Matters
aren't helped by Pollard, who is trying to throw everyone out. Cue
another punch from Mandy, and then the whole village joins in a mass
punch up (with some comic punches from Tricia et al). Angie arrives,
arrests Mandy (causing Paddy to punch Pollard out) but WPC Nice Cop
Clare saves the day by allowing them to spend the wedding night in
The only other storyline involved Liam & Chris. Liam goes on about the
family, and how Frank's money & power can't save him now. Chris
concludes that Sean is behind the kidnapping. Good thing he isn't a
Meantime, Zoe frets over the ransom note and wonders whether she's
done the right thing in letting the police know about it. Obviously
that bottomless pit of money she's acquired has grown bigger by the
Zoe has got the ransom money, and Spalding talks her through the
process - she's to follow the kidnapper's every instruction, and he'll
follow at a discreet distance (later, we see that his discreet
actually means bumper to bumper). Meantime, Liam has inadvertently
found out from Sean that Zoe has received his note and called in the
cops. He decides to lead Zoe on a bit of a wander.
Zoe's first rendevous is at a phone box in the Connelton Road. Liam is
watching her every move from a distance, and as she approaches the
phone box, it starts to ring. He tells her to drive on to the bridge,
where she'll find the package.
Inside the package there's another note, telling her to go to Market
St car park. There, she'll find a key in a blue bag; she's to place
the money in the bag, replace it in the bin and look for a red van at
the top of the car park. Chris will be in the van.
Zoe, police in close pursiut, does as she's told. She gets to the van,
touches the body inside - and it falls forward. Could it be Chris? Is
he a goner?
Turns out to be a dummy. Zoe finds a note in the top pocket, telling
her that if she involves the cops next time, Chris will be dead. Zoe
tells Claudia (I found out her name today!) that if she hears from the
kidnapper again, she'll do it without the police.
Meantime, Liam storms back to the cellar in a mood and with a bad
accent. He lays into Chris, telling him that it was *never* about the
money. He knew that Chris only dealt in cash, but he thought Zoe was
Chris: What do you want?!!
The episode ends with Liam quoting a part from the Bible about the
sins of the father, and finally revealing that he too is Frank's son.
While Chris lived the good life, Liam lived in paupersville. Its
payback time now (and other such crap dialogue).
-- just when I thought we'd escaped, Kathy & Elsa appeared in this
episode. They're appearing in front of the Welfare Officer, who sits
there and does nothing while Blondie & Non-Actress trade insults. Elsa
gets reasonable access, so she takes Alice to London for the weekend.
Cue Elsa and Shane (her stepson) arriving in a limo and promising
Alice a good time in a rich London cupboard. Kathy knows she's in for
a fight when Shane gives Alice a mini-Playstation.
-- Mandy is released on bail; one of her conditions is to surrender
her passport. Pady realsies that this could scupper his honeymoon
plans, so he tells the cops he'll bring it in. Later, he rings the
cops so say that he's "accidentally" lost it, paving the way for
another Dingles video special.