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Dionne's Ditherings May 4-6 1999

Right, as the Graham/Rachel storyline reaches its climax next week,
lets kick off with that one.

Graham/Rachel

It looks as though Rachel is clear of any drug dealing, and she's
itching to get back to school. Graham isn't so keen - he's still
pushing for them to leave the village, and tells Miss Strickland that
he will be leaving at the end of term. She is sorry to see him go.

Despite Pollard's warning that she should be wary of Graham (takes one
to know one), Rachel considers herself lucky that she's got such a
caring man who'd do anything for her, particularly as Graham refuses
to let her speak to Miss Strickland. However, being stuck indoors with
only her bad jumpers and equally worse wigs for company gets to her,
and soon she's complaining that Graham is controlling her life again
by not letting her go to the school. Graham puts on his affronted
look, and when that doesn't work he starts to cry, declaring "I only
want to look after you." As ever, Rachel falls for his crap again.

However, a shock occurs on Thursday when Rachel actually gets out of
the cottage into the village. She spots Miss Strickland on her lunch
break and asks when she can come to the school to have a chat. Miss S
tells her that Graham has resigned, and hints that it seems pointless
to take her back as her reputation is soiled. In tears, Rachel rushes
home and, rooting around his papers, finds letters from schools all
over the country.

Meantime, Graham decides to propose and buys an antique ring from
Pollard. He comes home excitedly, telling her that they're going on a
picnic and he's got something to share with her.

Rachel (in tears): Have you got anything else to share with me,
Graham?

All will be revealed on Tuesday.

Gavin

Yes, most of us had to eat humble pie as Gavin *does* exist! We were
treated to a stupid subplot on Tuesday when Dopey, egged on by Lyn,
attempted to look scared that Bernice would attack her. They thought
that Gavin only existed in Bernice's mind, and that she may attack
Dopey at night because she was losing the plot. If this sounds crap,
it was 100 times worse with Dopey's acting.

However, thankfully Gavin did turn up, causing Bernice to shriek in
delight. Not much more to report, except that he hasn't got a great
deal up top, but all the women fancy him and all the men are jealous.

Moving swiftly on.... Kelly is trying to sort out the wedding, and
goes along to see Ashley. She wants Abide with me as a hymn, and a
poem read out by a "posh and blonde bird in a war film, who was the
same one in Born Free". Good to know that Kelly's on the ball - no
wonder she's marrying Roy.

However, Ashley points out that it's not about the fancy dress and one
day, it's for life and they need to take it seriously. Kelly agrees,
and even decides to come to church to show how serious she is.

Meantime, Roy realises that he needs to book the honeymoon after
turning down Chris's offer to pay for something decent, and eventually
chooses Gran Canaria. He 's also trying to avoid Biff's portents of
doom about the wedding, which Biff insists on spouting when he's not
snogging Kathy.

Roy: SO WHY IS KELLY MARRYING ME??
Biff: I don't know.
Me: You're so helpful Biff, I don't think.

It's almost a week since Scott appeared in a scene, and since he's
supposed to be a heartthrob..... Still pissed off that Roy & Kelly are
together, and wanting to prove that he *can* get it up with anyone but
Miss Piggy, he chats up some blonde extra and decides to get off with
her properly in the Village Hall (for all the money he's earning, he's
a cheap bastard). Surprise - he can't get it up. Blondie rushes back
to the Woolie and spills her guts out to Dopey, who nods knowingly,
despite tyhe fact that she'd never clapped eyes on her in her life.

Meantime, Roy spots Blonde Extra running out in disgust and Scott
looking pathetically after her, and naturally takes the piss. Scott
tells him that he slept with Kelly. Funnily, Roy doesn't seem to
believe him, but we'll see...

Minor storyline: Viv takes on a new shop assistant, Emily Wylie. Not a
lot up top (she'll be perfect for Butch) but a dab hand with figures
and she's willing to muck in. She's also got a deft comic touch with
the script, as evidenced by this little exchange (line of the week for
me):

Miss Piggy: Viv's gone to the Woolie to see if she can pull a bvloke.
Emily: What for?

My thoughts exactly.