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Dionne's Ditherings Week 2/4 March 1999
Sorry these are late (as ever) - I follwoed Bernice's example and sorted
out a lot in my life during the weekend. Not quite her 10 point plan,
but it worked for me.
Not much happened this week, really. The Windsors were promiment, so
I'll start with Donna. Yes, she made her monthly appearence on Emmerdale
when she went back to school. Andy is worried about what will happen,
especially as he has been moved to another class.
Sure enough, Andy gets bullied the moment he steps inside school, with
the whole of his year out to defend Donna's honour. She spots two
bullies giving him a hard time (before Graham - in normal mode - breaks
it up) and runs home upset. Viv vows to get rid of Andy as soon as
Next day, Donna is still upset and Viv refuses to send her to school
until Andy is excluded. She storms over to the head's office, with
Graham in attendance. He informs her in no uncertain terms that the
school governors will not exclude Andy without good reason, and Viv
threatens to go to the press, saying that Her Donna is being stalked by
a murderer's son (yeah right, that will really knock Monica Lewinsky off
the front page).
Sarah is concerned about the situation and goes over to see Viv, to try
and make the peace. Viv lays into her, blaming Andy for Vic's death and
vowing to hound him from the village. Sarah leaves in disgust, thinking
that Viv's lost the plot (she's proved right in a later scene, when Viv
contacts Social Services). Meantime, Donna & Andy meet up and have a
good chat. They're still friends, despite the presence of Donna's
"bodyguard", Gemma (another block of wood. Where *do* the casting people
The week begins with Zak & Lisa rowing on about the christening. Lisa is
determined to have a church service and Mandy is on her side. Butch
tries to convince Zak to do things Lisa's way, but Zak sees the whole
situation as a threat to his manhood and cancels the christening
(another monthly appearance from Da Vicka). Meantime, he sends out
invites to all the Dingle Clan (by the sounds of it, only Bible
characters have more family members), and informs Lisa of his decision.
She, unsurprisingly, is pissed off and runs to tell Ashley it's back on.
Finally, to the relief of Butch, Mandy and probably the viewers, they
agree on a church event. Mandy agrees to be godmother, but before Lisa
can say "The Godfather will be...", Zak asks Butch to do the honours.
Butch is happy, but soon changes his mind when he sees Mandy's look of
disgust. Sadly, he tells Lisa that he won't do it because he's not good
enough. Poor Butch. When will he get a break?
Lisa wants Paddy to be godfather as he helped deliver Belle in the first
place. He happily agrees, but soon wonders what he's agreed to when he
clocks Zak giving him thunderous looks (Zak still blames him for nearly
losing them their home - obviously forgiveness isn't one of his strong
points). It would have been good if they'd ended the story arc there,
but no - we have to meet some of the distant Dingles who decide to
arrive a week early. Zak puts on the manly act and tries to hide Lisa's
VAT returns and his househusband duties, but to no avail. I lost
interest in this the moment the extra Dingles turned up looking like
rejects from a Charles Dickens novel, so I'll move on...
We get to know a bit more about Stella this week, including that she
seems to like depending on a man a lot (in this case, Eric) and she does
a nice line in short skirts & knee high boots. Anyway, the village is
turning against her after Seth's sacking. Betty is on the warpath,
especially as she felt that Stella was so nice at the party last week.
Terry suggests that Eric may be at fault, which Betty suggests. She goes
over to see her to apologise and to warn her against Air-wick, but
Stella shakes those many curls and tells Betty that it was all her idea
to sack him.
As ever, Betty has plenty to say in the Woolie every time they come in.
Stella is concerned about her standing in the village, and takes pity on
Seth after he tells her he wants to be buried at Home Farm (shotgun in
hand). She gives him 1000 pounds as a golden handshake. Seth is
determined to hold on to this fortune and tells Betty he got only 200
pounds. Watch out for the volcano when Betty discovers the truth.
Meantime, Eric seems to be getting his claws into Stella as he tries to
get her to make him her "spokesman" in the village, but it's hard to say
whether Stella's a typical bimbo or whether there's an astute brain
under those curls. Time will tell.
-- Bernice is still at odds with Mandy & Dopey (complete with
straightened hair, but still a balsa girl) after she caught them in her
bedroom last week. They take the piss so often out of her plans that she
calls a meeting to set them straight. However, when they go in they
discover Bernice in floods of tears. She admits that she was once
married and had everything she ever dreamed off; she was about to start
a family when it all went horribly wrong. Underneath that "glamour &
sophistication" (her words, not mine), she's full of heartache. Mandy
and Dopey are sympathetic.
The scene ends with Bernice looking at a picture of her and (presumably)
her husband. I sense that this isn't the last we've heard of this.
-- Chris moves from Home Farm into Kim & Steve's old cottage. Laura's
perplexed at this, but soon relents when she and Chris impersonate a
Kelly & Roy
By now, Roy is madly in love and sees Kelly as his main reason for
living. Practically everyone can see that they are *not* a match made in
heaven, but Miss Piggy thinks that if she tells the village she loves
Roy, then it will happen. Eventually. First she needs to get over that
wave of revulsion that hits her every time Roy tries to kiss her.
Meantime, Scott, aka Balsa Boy, strides about the village telling anyone
who cares that Kelly isn't in love with Roy and is making a fool of
himself. As Kelly keeps trying to avoid him (good for her, why bother
trying to compete with Balsa Boy's ego), Scott asks Mandy to have a
word. Mandy goes over there and within an instant twigs that Kelly is
not in love (it's just a silly phase she's going through). But Miss
Piggy keeps up the pretence, and tells Mandy that she's loved Roy for
Mandy informs Balsa Boy of the above, who storms over to the surgery and
confronts her. Kelly repeats the same mantra "I love Roy". Scott pouts
off in a huff (either that, or a tree fell down).
Lisa gives Roy 30 pounds as a bonus; no prizes for guessing what he
chooses to spend it on. There's an amusing scene in the PO as Roy &
Kelly walk in on Scott, minding the shop.
Roy: You all right Scott?
Scott: Not really - I feel sick actually.
Kelly: He's been looking at his reflection again.
Damn right, I thought. Roy's a much better prospect - far more
believable. But I'm only a viewer, not a writer, so we next see Roy
deciding to propose to Kelly. Marlon tries to talk him out of it, but in
a Hotten club Roy gets on his knees and does the deed. Kelly is in
shock. Will she say yes?
As a finale, if Kelly can do it, so can we. Repeat after me: "I love
Roy, I love Roy....."