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Dionne's Ditherings 8-10/12/98

Oooh, where to start? How about with Kathy?

Indeed, our favourite singing blonde is slowly losing her mind as a
result of the accident. Rachel is worried about her since her outburst
last week, Graham tries to comfort her but to no avail. In desperation
Rachel goes to see Dr Khan, who agrees to help only if Kathy comes
willingly. Graham suggests that Chris invites her to lunch, to put this
idea to her in his usual blunt manner.

Meanwhile, Kathy realises that she's losing the plot as both Chris &
Biff try to help. Chris invites her to lunch and tells her that she
needs professional help, while Biff tells her that she's driving her
friends (well, Rachel) away. Kathy is scared that she's losing it,
especially as it's berginning to affect the Stage School brat. Biff
comforts her at the end.

The Woolpack
Seth officially opens the Woolie after a tribute speech to the Ghosts of
Barmen Past (Terry, Amos & Amos's sideburns). The locals are impressed
with the new decor - a 50s pastiche with bright green upholstery, a log
fire and a distinct lack of light. Seth's efforts in getting free drinks
over the years earn a loyal customer plaque from Alan - Seth uses it as
an opportunity to get even more free booze (how comes this doesn't work
for me?).

Mandy
Some may say Mandy's lucky, as both Paddy & Butch are yearning after her
(we won't but then that's us...) Paddy pops round to the Dingle patch to
collect his clothes and CDs. While clearing out, they find an Oasis CD
with their song, Wonderwall, on it. They are listening to it and finding
new meaning to the words when Butch returns. He turns off the CD and
chucks Paddy out. Mandy isn't impressed.
Of course, Butch is green with jealousy every time Paddy sniffs around
"His" Mandy. He warns Paddy to leave her alone or he'll tear him apart.
Later he tries to woo Mandy with tickets to the cinema, but she's too
busy bitching at Dopey Slapper to care.
Wouldn't it be nice if Butch was to fall in love with someone who
actually cared about him in return? Just MHO.

Home Farm
Tara faxes Chinless with the news that she wants to sell Home Farm.
Chris wheels around in anger, until Laura suggests that he actually buys
the place. This calms him down....until he discovers that Laura wants to
auction the place.

Chris loses it again, calling Laura a ruthless, callous bitch (you
forgot chinless, Chris). Laura is shocked and confides in Zoe, who
concludes that Chris said it because he fancies her.

Yes, Zoe. Whatever.

Pollard and the toys
Yes, Air-wick (I miss Dee) is still trying to get Ned to sell Our
Linda's valuable teddy, and enlists Andy & Robert's help. He sets up a
toy fair to give to underprivileged children, while making 10K for
himself by selling the bear.
Ashley enlists him as Santa, which provided some humour on Thursday.
Eric turns out to be a terrible Santa, scaring the kids while waiting
impatiently for the Steiff (sp?) bear to turn up. Only Alice twigs who
is, calling him a conman in her best stage school voice.
Eventually, the bear turns up. Eric manages to hide it, just as a toy
expert from Harrogate turns up. He takes away a valuable doll, while
Air-wick celebrates another large pay day. For now.

Minor storylines
-- Victoria can speak!! She actually said a few words, which shocked me
as I assumed she was mute. Shame the same can't be said of Alice.

-- Roy falls for Scott's sinister charm again. Will has a go at Scott
for last week's events, prompting Scott to transfer his Bruised Ego
Syndrome on to Roy. He offers to help Roy with the car if Will is out.
Roy obliges, Will isn't impressed, and I see an intersting storyline
here if the writers pursue it properly.

Dopey Slapper
Yes, Tricia gets it from all sides this week. First Viv, who advises her
to stay away from her Scott.

Viv (to Dopey as she buys some tinsel): Pretty isn't it? So cheerful,
yet so cheap.

Mandy weighs in - she's not impressed as Terry has disappeared. She
tells Alan that Dopey is poison, and that he'll need all the friends he
can get when she's gone. Alan refuses to have a word said against his
beloved grand daughter.
But the final nail in the coffin goes to Miss Piggy, who chucks Dopey
out of the surgery when she tries to apologise. Tricia tries to retort
by slating Kelly, but Miss Piggy proves she is a true Windsor by winning
the battle of bitchery.

Kelly to Dopey: I'll fix an appointment with Paddy. He's really good
with cows.

I hope everyone noticed the BAFTA award-winning performance by Dopey as
all around were attacking her. I feel she should be making space on her
mantelpiece as I type.

I also have a flyong pigs screensaver to give away.


Ends